As of Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Today, I had an EMG study conducted by my Neurologist on my legs to determine the extent of the damage as well as to attempt an estimation on recovery time. I have considered becoming Amish because my hatred of electricity was spawned as a response to the pain that comes with an EMG.

Here’s how it works: For the first hour, they strap three electrodes to your feet and place a conductor at various lengths up your leg. They then proceed to feed electricity from that conductor (be it at your knees, your shins, etc.) to the electrodes at your feet. Most of the electric feeds are only one burst at a time. However, when they want to not only read your nerve travel time but also your spinal cord reaction, they will send electric feeds at eight bursts per feed. Your muscles and nerves then proceed to pack up their things and leave you to sit in what feels like Jell-o. This lasts about an hour for both legs. This is to determine how quickly the nerves are sending information from one point to another.

Part two. They remove and unplug the electrodes and proceed to plug a needle into the EMG machine. The Neurologist then inserts the needle into three places: 1) your foot muscle at your ankle, 2) your calf, and 3) your spine. Keep in the mind, the needle is plugged in… it is coursing with electricity. He then places the conductor right next to this needle and has you flex whatever muscle has become the new habitat for Electric Needle from Hell. This lasts 30 minutes. It is to determine the extent of any muscle weakness. It is the worst part of the test because your muscles Charlie Horse upon immediate contact with Electric Needle from Hell. (Flexing a Charlie Horse muscle is, well… just try it sometime.)

The results of this test showed that I had considerable nerve damage to both of my legs. However, the test showed that the damage is on the recovery side of being hurt. Praise be to God. The weird part is as follows: my Neurologist is beginning to believe that what happened to me was a result of an unknown, aggressive virus that caused my body’s immune system to attack the nerve tissue in my legs. This virus and its antibodies are now out of my system (or so it seems), and, therefore, we have no way of knowing what virus it was. He is not able to prove this diagnosis and basically left me undiagnosed for the time being. I have a chance of contracting this virus again; however, that chance is very slim.

My doctor claimed that I should make a full recovery. He cannot, however, assert that with 100% confidence. I do still have considerable pain in my groin upon contact. He believes that my weakness is due to an unconscious fear of that pain and will be able to make a more clear statement as to my recovery when both the fear and the pain in my groin subside.

I return in two months for a follow-up. Your prayers are, as always, coveted.

A Bunch of Wasted-Space Ramblings

I apologize for not keeping this as updated as some of you may have wished. I go back to my Neurologist tomorrow (er, today) for an EMG and to discuss what life looks like from here on out. I have a few good updates: 1) I’m walking with a cane. That wheelchair is gone, and God is to be praised! 2) My blood tests came back negative, meaning I actually do have Bilateral Saphenous Nerve Impingement, and God is to be praised! 3) Pain is no longer constant. I experience maybe a wave of pain about once a day, and God is to be praised!

Unfortunately, due to the physical deterioration of my left leg, I have been unable to focus on my emotional or spiritual health, of which have sparked monologues that so frequented this blog in its “early” life. I apologize for that, both to myself and to those who read this site. In light of this lack of reflection, I have decided to waste space by rambling. Beware! Rabbit-trails up ahead:

Just prior to writing this post, I read (er, stalked) a post from a xanga site I try to keep up on. It was about a lost love and the fight to “get her back.” I chuckled a little when I read this line:

WAIT! How can love wait? … Yet, I welcome this slavery [to waiting for her].

OK. Allow me to explain. It was by mere chance that I witnessed this blogger’s breakup. I was literally on the other side of the street honestly minding my own business when I realized what the devil was actually going on across the way. I knew this person was a writer, so I found his weblog (hence the “er, stalked”) and, voilà, here we are. What’s more ironic is that our connection has a closer proximity than the typical six degrees of separation. Yada-yada-yada, I digress. Do we really wait? Does true, honest-to-goodness, can’t-sleep-at-night-but-welcome-the-insomnia love drive us to wait? Or is love a drug that creates in us a hope that isn’t healthy to which to hold on?

Back in the day (which was a Wednesday), I wrote that “memories last only as long as you want them to. You can erase the bad ones. The question is, do you really want to? What would your life be like without even the worst of times?” If one hasn’t noticed, I value the storms that life throws at us. What is there to look forward to if every day’s yesterday was perfect in memory?

I value words. I know that actions speak louder than words, but words have their place. They exist. Words and language must be a valuable tool if God Himself saw that the best way to prohibit the building of Babel was to confuse the words of those building that tower. (Please note, God didn’t go to the drawing boards and guess which way would be best. I don’t mean to infer that by using the word, “saw.” God knew. God foreknew. Period.) I guess that’s why I value this quote from The Interpreter:

The gunfire around us makes it hard to hear. But the human voice is different from other sounds. It can be heard over noises that bury everything else. Even when it’s not shouting. Even when it’s just a whisper. Even the lowest whisper can be heard over armies… when it’s telling the truth.

It’s 2:40A and I just needed to talk. I’m sorry for wasting your time. One of these three thoughts (love, memory, or words) will be expounded upon soon. The two others may be lost in this waste of space forever, or I may jump on them as well. Just know I haven’t forgotten this site. I just haven’t had time to sit down and funnel out a coherent thought. Case-in-point: the aforementioned.