c:
what can I say
oh now what can I do
to awaken myself
to the bright shining truth
that apathy is a disease of the heart
and it’s tearing my very world apart

v2:
she is
seeing tarnished silver
a dullness that has filled her
wondering how it even got there
but still she hurts
oh, oh

(repeat chorus)

b:
standing here I know
I don’t want to be this way
and now looking back
I know it wasn’t OK
I just want to feel
I just want to feel
I just want to feel
again
oh, oh

(repeat chorus)

v3:
she is
crying

(repeat chorus)

-CJ, April 5, 2011
For Dakota
Carefully so.
(a collaborative effort with TJ)

This is a very simple principle in theory.  However, it is the principle that mankind finds hardest to follow, for it requires strict discipline and a conscious-ridden state-of-mind.  He that chooses to follow this principle must have the strength to self-correct and the understanding that he will fail without “divine intervention”.

The question that I have been grappling with is, “Why are humans designed to find pleasure in that which is vulgar?”  This does not translate into, “Why does life have to be hard?”  If it is impossible to differentiate between these two inquiries, stop reading.  Another way to put that question may ring proverbial to those who are dieting:  “Why do things that are bad for you taste so good?”  Looking beyond calorie intake, why are other things that are “inherently bad“ for you so very familiar.

I enjoy video games, but I need to exercise.  I enjoy sex, but I need to practice abstinence.  I enjoy alcohol, but I need to practice soberness.

The Christian rock band Kutless echoes this principle in their song ironically titled “Better for You”:

Choose a little pain and gain a life with joy; accepting pleasure now will earn a life of pain.

To gain a better perspective, listen to the entire song here:  Better for You.

But if it is true that that which is better for you is that which is difficult to accept or with which to comply, then why not throw those fighting to attain that moral perfection a proverbial bone?!  Scripture says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good.”  When?  Do we really have to travel through this cold hell of an earth in this decaying vessel we call a body denying ourselves to one day be released from this planet and find ourselves at the source of eternal joy and bliss?  Is that the “for good”?  Is there really no guarantee that we will receive some divine signpost advertising “IT’S WORTH IT!  HANG ON!”?

For those that wish to come back with, “Have faith,” keep it inside.  For if it is not obvious, I shall make it so:  I am having trouble accepting the “not by sight” part of that which we call The Straight and Narrow.

Two sides of a town
And worlds apart
The cold fire thaws the
Midnight silence

Rendezvous en route
Not soon enough
The ardor sedates the
Constant hunger

Sweet interaction
With the lips’ touch
The elation quells the
Heartbeat’s rapture

In you I’m in love
And never won’t
Your devotion leaves me
Wholly tangled

-CJ, February 15, 2010
For Her
Undoubtedly so.

And that’s what brought me to this phrase: “If time were no object, what would I do?”  A professor of mine once depicted heaven as spending an eternity sipping coffee with one friend and then spending the next eternity on a walk with another.  I mean, if time really was no object, we’d exercise more.  If time wasn’t an object, our 5-minute-late lunch guest wouldn’t ruin the lunch experience.  If time was no object, who’s to say we wouldn’t stay in bed all day with the one we love?  But I wonder, would we appreciate that gift:  the gift of an eternity.  We strive on deadlines–April 15, end of business December 24, etc.–and some of us even can’t wait to get back to “regular life” after a week of vacation.  Speaking of vacation, we can’t schedule one without a minute-by-minute itinerary of activities and experiences we just have to get in.  I hate that.

No, I’m not naïve to think that I don’t need to plan, I don’t need to schedule.  Time has marched on, and no one is stopping it.  But my goodness, can’t we enjoy the time we’ve been given without thinking about what is coming next?

We’re too busy.  I remember events as a child that I just didn’t want to attend.  I remember thinking, “When will this end?!  This is going on forever!”  How foolish was I?  How foolish were we?  We don’t have forever on this side of eternity, but that doesn’t mean we should pack events into our lives’ schedules to where we don’t have time to enjoy A because B is just around the corner.  We need to let the maxim ring true:

We will miss out on life planning for it.

So along we moved to our sophomore year, the year in which we were supposed to finally settle on a major, the year in which we were supposed to be regularly active in extracurricular activities, the year in which our friendships would begin to solidify.  Unfortunately, that didn’t happen for me.  You see, the day before I went back to school for my sophomore year, I broke up with my girlfriend of over two years.  I was tired of being tied down, and I was determined to give myself at least some commitment-free months.  I had always been active and committed to things my whole life, whether it was church and related activities, leadership positions in high school, the older brother responsible for the higher standard, the mentor who helped peers make it through the alcohol-induced nights, no matter what it was, up until August 2006, I was always committed to something.  I needed freedom.  I needed isolation.  And I began to take it.  I avoided groups and organizations because I didn’t want to commit to more people.  I loved it, until I didn’t.

I distinctly remember one sophomore night near Thanksgiving or our Fall Break where I started crying in my room, left still crying, found some fire-escape stairs on the back of a building, sat, and cried for three hours.  I remember taking out my phone and going through my contacts one-by-one wondering who would come sit with me if I called them, but I never found a single name I was 100% sure would drop what they were doing and come comfort me.  And so, I began to distance myself even further from the crowd, and I began to slowly push away the relationships I really needed.

And then I met a girl.  She came into my life, but, defying the physics standard that stuff will go where nothing is, I invaded hers.  Her friends became my friends.  Her hobbies became my hobbies.  I cooked, I did dishes, I spent the night at her roommate’s boyfriend’s house.  And I loved it, every minute of it.  But then, she left.  Abruptly.  Suddenly.  And I was left holding the pieces of my heart with no one to help me pick up what was still on the ground.

I remember running to my RA and asking him for help, even though we rarely spoke to each other outside his mandatory “you doing OK this week?”  I had no one, and my trust in humanity, in relationships, in commitment died.  Unfortunately, as Frank Crane says:

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.

And I no longer trust.  I don’t trust my alleged best friend since college, I don’t trust my family.  I only really trust my fiancee.  But as I wait for her to finish her education as I have mine, I sit in torment, alone, looking back at time when I had friends, when I was cared for, and when I trusted.

We selfish, me-centered people. My goodness! Has God been thrown a curveball? Has God conveyed to us in ANY divinely inspired venue that His plans for 2009 – 2012 are an adamant and wrath-filled judgment of the States? NO! God is still in control! Romans 13: “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.”

Obama has not (and will not) take away our right to free worship. Praise God for that! God is still on the throne and knew that the senator would get the election before He even named Adam! Praise God for that! God not only knew about it, but according to the Romans passage, He instituted it! Praise God for that? YES!

You of little faith! You ignorant people! Why in the world would God judge America and leave places like N. Korea, Liberia, etc. untouched? What basis do we have to think that America ever was a “Christian Nation” and is now being judged for falling away from that foundation? We have none! Sure, the first legislation and most current laws are based on biblical teachings, but that in no way makes America a Christian Nation. We are a nation run by humans. A free nation, yes. But a human-ran nation nonetheless.

Christians, we have a responsibility to act maturely as a response to this election. I don’t care if “your guy” lost. Acknowledge that hard work that Senator Obama put in to overcoming something that got another African-American assassinated not 50 years ago. Respect and praise our country for overcoming our tolerance. And pray for God’s will and God’s guidance. And c’mon! Stop this nonsense about running away! My God’s bigger than the boogeyman. I’m so sorry that He isn’t for you folks who think that Obama is an unstoppable terrorist.

1 Thessalonians 5: “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

Get a hold of yourselves!

Yes, I voted for Obama. I am not saying to not be sad that the man you supported did not win. Be sad. But fall on God.

In the world it calls itself Tolerance; but in hell it is called Despair. It is the accomplice of other sins and their worst punishment. It is the sin which believes nothing, cares for nothing, seeks to know nothing, finds purpose in nothing, lives for nothing, and only remains alive because there is nothing it would die for.

More to come on this topic…

Because of this esteem-boosting sermon (the NOOMA message; I totally agreed with the actual message), I’ve decided to post my sermon that counters this (what I truly believe is a) heresy. This will be posted in article format, and therefore will be edited for reading rather than hearing. You can find the actual manuscript on my Sermons page.

“Bring out the goddess in you.” Anyone know what that is a slogan for? Venus Razors for Women. We are so special that razors can give us deistic qualities. We live in a culture where from age 2 we are taught how special we are, how unique we are, how much worth we have. As we get older, we find out that to be happy we must have and to have we must be the best at acquiring. Presidential candidates boast that they are “your president,” as if it is an honor to be running for such an amazing, special person.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret: you are nothing special. You, by yourself, in yourself, are worthless. The sooner that you come to that realization, the sooner you can begin experiencing everything God has for you. But if you keep living under the illusion that what our culture tells you about how special you are is true, you will miss out on what God wants for you, and what He wants is your total reliance on Him. What He wants for you is for you not to define yourself based on your works, actions, talents, looks, wallet, social status, education, or even who you know. God wants you to define yourself based on Who He is. Jesus, in Matthew 5.1-5 agrees:

Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth…”

We find here a list of radically culturally-contradictory statements made by Jesus Christ. At the very beginning of Christ’s most famous sermon (The Sermon on the Mount), it appears as though He contradicts Himself by saying “blessed are you who have nothing, feel poorly, and want.” That’s completely opposite of what our culture teaches us, and, to be honest, it was completely opposite of what the culture of Jesus’ time taught. Walking around Israel were holier-than-thou Pharisees, who prided themselves on how highly God thought of them. They would make public declarations every time they gave an offering and wailed and howled every time they said a prayer. They wanted attention and found worth in the eyes of man. They found worth in the misconception that holy people are proud people, and, as we know God loves holy people. All of a sudden, this Man comes up and starts preaching against all of those things. How can this be? Weren’t the Pharisees the “men of God”? Does this mean that Jesus was wrong in what He was saying? The answer to that is a resounding: NO! Those who were wrong were the ones who thought that having a high opinion of oneself was godly.

It’s not godly at all. And Jesus drives that point home with these things called the beatitudes. But, what are these things and what do they even mean?

The very first thing that catches everyone’s eye is the word “blessed.” What does this word mean? The common misconception is that this word means “happy.” That is not true at all. If it were, this passage would almost be a depressing creed of some sort: Happy are those who have nothing. Happy are those who weep. Happy are those who are hungry. That doesn’t fit; that doesn’t even make sense. The word “blessed,” here, means “congratulated.” The word has the connotation of “you have achieved the goal, and therefore you are favored by God.” The goals are those attributes listed here. You aren’t born with an innate desire to humble yourself, that’s a God-process. Once allow God to work in your life, then, then you have achieved the goal. The rewards God has for you for achieving the goals are those predicates listed here: kingdom of God, comfort, etc. But I don’t want to focus on the reward or the blessedness because if I do, I fear that our goal will become achieving the prize, not achieving Christ-likeness. So for the remainder of the morning, I want to focus on the first three beatitudes and what they mean for us.

The first beatitude that we come across is “blessed are the poor in spirit.” Jesus put these in an order that made sense. These are not randomly stated, but are meticulously planned to be a hierarchy of sorts. When we view these in that manner, we find that the very first step in favoring God and becoming like His Son is the recognition of our spiritual poverty. Look at Ephesians 2.1-3:

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.

How depressing is that?! The fact of the matter is, though, its true! You are dead in sin when you don’t have Christ. You have a carcass for a soul. But you are fooled into believing that you are fine, that your soul really isn’t dead. By saying that, by believing it, by thinking it, you are declaring yourself worthy regardless of the cross.

How many times do you hear those outside the faith rationalize the belief that they are going to heaven when they die by saying this: “Yea, I’m going to heaven when I die. I mean, I’ve been a good person. I’ve been there for my wife and kids. I have a good house that I can afford. I don’t really have any enemies, so of course I’m going to heaven.” Do you realize how sad that statement is? It’s sad because it speaks about earning heaven by your own good merit. The problem is that you are a human being who neither has merit or anything spiritually good. To not realize that is to ignore the necessity of God.

So, Jesus is saying in this passage: blessed are those who realize that they are nothing, have nothing, and contribute nothing to My perfectness. The first step into not only getting into heaven but being an active child of God is admitting you have a problem: you are nothing. John MacArthur puts it this way:

This speaks of a deep humility regarding one’s utter spiritual bankruptcy apart from God. It describes those who are acutely conscious of their own lostness and hopelessness apart from divine grace.

Question: do you go to the doctor when you are feeling healthy? Do you plead your physician to quickly diagnose you because you are feeling great? No, you don’t. Do you go to the doctor under the suspicion that something is wrong regardless of the fact that you have no evidence? No, you don’t. In the same manner, you won’t go to Jesus Christ when you think you don’t need Him. Jesus Himself said in Matthew 9.12 that He didn’t come to heal those that did not want it:

When Jesus heard that, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick…For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”

Jesus isn’t implying that some of them didn’t need Him; He’s not saying that there were already righteous people who needed not the cross. Jesus is being somewhat tongue-in-cheek here by saying, “I’m not here for those who already think they are good enough. Are they good enough? Not at all. But until they realize that, I’m not for them.” Salvation cannot come to the self-righteous. It can’t. Only when you believe with all your heart what Romans 3 says about how worthless you are can you meet Jesus for Who He is. When we do realize that, when we come to the realization that without Christ we are nothing, have nothing, and contribute nothing, then Christ can come and heal us; then Christ can come and cleanse our sins. And when that happens, we become citizens of heaven for, as we just read, “blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

The next beatitude is specifically placed because what logically follows the realization that we are completely bankrupt spiritually is mourning over our worthlessness. You see, mourning shows that you are not OK with your worthlessness; that you are content with your emptiness. Spiritual mourning shows a desire to have more than nothing, but not just any old “more,” the abundant life that Jesus Christ has to offer. Look at what 2 Corinthians 7.10 says:

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

If you are sad about something, if you are truly burdened by an area of your life that you are not happy with, you will seek to change it. That’s what this beatitude is saying: realization is not enough. You can’t just know that you are dead. You must want to be alive! And the promise of mourning of our own wretchedness is a comfort that doesn’t make sense. One writer says:

What an inexpressible comfort it is to stop mourning over the guilt of sin because God in Christ has removed it.

Mourning is a state of mind brought about by the realization of our own appalling nothingness in light of God’s everythingness. God Almighty bestows a portion of Himself upon us that transcends our need; He gives us more of Him than we ever could even imagine. In light of that, because of that, we are humbled as we realize that we pale in comparison to God. It does not stop there. This realization is nothing without action. The definition of mourning is what follows our realization that we are less than dirt without God. When we act upon that by devoting ourselves to God and declaring our dire need for him, that, that is mourning. Mourning is the cleaning out of the carcass of the soul so that God can reside in us.

You have to mourn to be comforted. You can’t be comforted if there is nothing to comfort. In the same manner, you have to mourn over your sin, over your wretchedness, before Christ’s blood can cover your sins and, consequently, comfort you. Before you can have joy in Christ, you must have sorrow, deep mourning, in your wretchedness.

The last beatitude that I want to look at today is probably one of the most confusing and debated over beatitudes. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” Many people argue that “meek” means “weak.” That belief couldn’t be more flawed. On the contrary, many meek men in the bible were also very strong men. For instance, Moses displayed incredible, righteous indignation when he came down from the Holy Mountain and shattered the Decalogue against the ground. But, at the same time, Numbers 12.3 says this about him:

Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.

If “meek” means “weak,” than either Moses didn’t kill anybody or the writer or Numbers didn’t know Moses well enough to make that call. That fact of the matter is, though, that Moses was meek and very strong. He wasn’t weak at all.

So what does “meek” mean? The best definition I could find is a quote by A. W. Tozer. This is what he says:

The meek man is not a human mouse afflicted with a sense of his own inferiority. Rather he may be in his moral life as bold as a lion and as strong as Samson; but he has stopped being fooled about himself. He has accepted God’s estimate of his own life. He knows he is as weak and helpless as God declared him to be, but paradoxically, he knows at the same time that he is in the sight of God of more importance than angels. In himself, nothing; in God, everything. That is his motto.

Meekness is the realization that God is in control. No matter what storms, no matter what trials, no matter what persecutions we go through, meekness is the understanding that each time we suffer is a time that God has ordained. Remember Job? Nothing that happened to Job was outside of God’s will or permission. The meek man realizes that, recognizes that, lives by that. Even in the face of persecution, the meek man remembers:

“Vengeance is Mine, I shall repay,” says the Lord.

As one writer said,

These are the individuals who understand their spiritual poverty, mourn over their lost condition and are willing to submit their lives to the will of God.

When you realize how direly you need God, and when you give Him your life, meekness is humble trust in the will of God. Providence Himself promises to always be there, promises to give us a future with hope, and promises to come back. The meek man not only knows and believes this, but he is affected by it in his daily dealings with other people. The important thing to remember is this: this rare and often misunderstood beatitude cannot occur or come into existence without the actions of the first two. all three build off each other as man slowly destroys the thought that he is something. Man is nothing without God.

Have you heard of the movie, “The Incredibles”? This is a movie about a supposedly ordinary family who is, in fact, a bunch of superheroes. The title of my sermon is “The Nothing-Specials.” This is because true Christians aren’t anything special in it of themselves. Friends, true Christians are only special in Christ Jesus. Do you live that way? Does God look at your heart and say, “Blessed…”?

The Christianity that exists today is the Dr. Phil Christianity. Take a look at the contemporary worship songs. The pronouns “I,” “me,” and/or “my” are used more frequently than the names “God,” ‘Christ,” or “Jesus.” This is diagnostic. Christians are wrapped up in themselves and honest-to-goodness believe that they are the center of Christ’s attention because of they inherent specialness. They believe that God has faith in us. That’s heresy. That’s blaspheme. Just read Romans 3.

I’ve got a brainstorm going. In order to keep it going, it needs to be written out. Some people hold to the view that life is the sum of random events stitched together in a space/time continuum. Others belief that life is the sum of all the decisions you make, just like those books you read as a child (for a run up the middle, turn to page 110; for a pass, turn to page 94). Some hold to the belief that life is simply a test, each moment a question in the grand-scheme examination. Finally, certain people hold to the view that life is a game, and the endgame of this contest is the collection of either many things leading to great wealth or many stories leading to a great reputation.

I don’t believe that “life” is any of the aforementioned things. To me, life is the sum of interwoven events precipitated by Providence and Fate. (Now, I’m not trying to sermonize or church-alize this, trust me. So, I plead with you to bear with me.) Everything that happens is because it is supposed to. Allow me to try and explain:

Have you ever driven home from work, pulled into your driveway, and for the life of you could not remember anything post-parking lot/pre-driveway? You attribute it to mundane ritualism, but what if it is more than that? I mean, unless you are suffering from short-term memory loss, you have obviously failed to pay attention to the drive home. How did you safely arrive at your destination? Did you make it home because your mind is so used to driving that route that it took over all motor function while leaving your memory in the dust? I don’t think so. You made home because you were supposed to be there.

Another example: Have you ever been in a relationship that ended and the only thing that came out of that relationship was a broken-heart (and a philosophical post on broken-hearts) and a bunch of new friends? Do you honestly think it was by chance that you met this random person and came out of that elongated rendezvous with more supporting players in your life?

Life has to be made up of the “there’s a reason I’m…’s.” The failure to capitalize on the Providential happenings in life is the failure to live it to it’s full potential. Manifest Your Potential.com puts it this way:

Find the thread of your life and follow it.

Now, I’m not saying to go about life letting things happen to you and attributing (or, blaming) it on Providence/Fate. I’m simply saying what Voltaire once said:

Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her. But once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.

You got to your house safely with no help from you. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to go in as if nothing different happened (even if the loss of memory happens often), whining about work, traffic (which you didn’t even notice or remember), and demanding dinner and the remote control? Or, are you going to take stock of what is inside that house of yours, value it, and proceed to display that value to those very people?

Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him. -Henry Miller, on fate.